Saturday, February 13, 2016

Marriage a thought or two.....

This is going to be a little different for my blog...I am curious as to how others view the institution of marriage..I was on facebook the other day and found an interesting post on marriage..and it got me to thinking...ok first I want you to know I am very happily married..and truly believe in the institution of marriage...have I lost you yet?  I am not pushing my feelings or beliefs on anyone...marriage works for me and my life..If you are living with someone and it works for you..that's great.  I don't get angry or upset because someone believes or feels differently about stuff...ok with that being said...

I am happily married.  I have been divorced..and I suppose children that have been affected by divorce have a different take on marriage.  My parents are together and have been for over 60 years..were all those years happy?  I doubt it....raising children, paying bills..and not putting Christ in the center of your life would put a damper on happy...but my parents got through it and found the cornerstone that makes a solid foundation.  

I lived with my husband before I got married..I was never planning on getting married again for many reasons...I didn't want anyone to control me, I had trust issues..and the man that eventually married me is quite  younger than I am..13 years younger...why would he want to be with me as I would wrinkle, get fat, and sag long before he would right?  

The questions I have for those that aren't married, but living with someone and have for a long time..is how is that going to work for you down the road....ok for example...your significant other gets hurt and is in the hospital..you are not next of kin..you LEGALLY have no ties with this person...and a decision has to be made on your significant others course of treatment?  With the laws about patient privacy in the medical field...how does this work...will the drs even talk to you about what is going on..or will they keep you i the dark?  Can they legally disclose the information...

Ok..that's one question....the second is this...I am a housewife..I don't have an outside job...so I really don't have any income...if something were to happen to my husband ..I wouldn't lose my home, my car..how does that work if you aren't married?  LEGALLY would I still be entitled to his bank accounts, retirement, our home....or would that life that was built simply be gone?

Now I know it sounds like I am in marriage for "things or money"...no I am not.  I love my husband..I love the life that we have built together...but I am a realist...I know bad things happen...sad things happen..death happens...accidents happen...and that little piece of paper can make a difference when the bad things happen.   What is the plan for the unmarried...because bad ugly things do happen...how will it be for the one that is left to pick up the pieces...how much harder will it be because of no piece of paper?

My husband and I don't divide what we have..by that I mean..this is yours..this is mine type of thing...it is all ours...yeah he stays out of my craft room and out of the thread...and I stay out of the video games and the garage....but it is still ours...there is no division of property...if he wants to go into the craft room...i might raise an eyebrow..just like if I am going into the garage he will probably follow me...but it is still ours...we discuss any big purchases..we discuss our wants and needs..There is no yours...there is no mine...is it the same as for the unmarried?   We both give more than we take....does that make sense?

That little piece of paper..that says we are married....defines who we are in this world to each other..and in the next...we are one flesh.. 

Hope I didn't hurt or offend anyone..that was not my intent.. Many blessing to you all...




11 comments:

Sherri said...

What you said is the truth every bit of it! I was not offended one bit. But of course I've been marries for 42 years now. I'm so happy I don't have to answer any of those questions. Happy Valentines Day!

Charlotte Huffman said...

Way to go, Vikki! Well said! I married a younger (7 years) guy also for my second marriage. We couldn't be happier and will celebrate 30 years in October. We share 50/50 and I cannot remember ever fighting. Yes, we argue, but we don't fight. Everyone has their own opinion about marriage, and I respect that. Have a great Valentine's Day!

Mereknits said...

My parents were married over 65 years, and one of the things that my Mother said to me that always hit home was, "There were whole years I didn't even like your Father!" I think marriage is hard, it is wonderful but it is hard. If something were to happen I am not sure I would ever get married again, but for now I am blessed and thankful for the 24 years I have had. I understand why people are divorced, I understand why people stay married and I understand why they chose to live together and not marry, I think a good Will can cover most of peoples assets and property even if they aren't married. You can always allocate someone to have medical power of attorney, if you are married or not.
Hugs,
Meredith

Shirley said...

Hi Vicki, You didn't offend me. You asked a lot of questions and I know that they suggest that you have a medical power of attorney for your health. Where someone you trust can make decisions for you. Marriage to which we are working on 53 years is like a roller coaster. You have good times and the bad. I have had to make decisions involving my other half's health and sign for him. He has been in a nursing home October 2012 so you could say in a way it is like feeling divorced because he isn't around. But what about the children that are brought into the world with someone just living together. Who is responsible for them? So many questions. Take care. Hugs and Prayers from your Missouri Friend. Shirley

Priscilla Pinkowski said...

Vikki, I will watch this blog. You have asked some very important question which every unmarried couple needs to answer to themeselves. I hope you get some responses from them. <3

tekla1306 said...

I was married for many years and he died suddenly. We also had a traditional marriage. I lost everything. It can happen whether you are married or not.

Mindy said...

"We both give more than we take..."
Ah, what an accurate and lovely description of a healthy and happy marriage!! And what a blessing when each has that perspective!
Thanks for the honesty and transparency in your personal experience and why you believe what you do.
Have a lovely week!

Anonymous said...

Good Morning!!! I read your Blog...I am only responding since I am aware of the conversation that took place that sparked this debate and rebuttal. First I want to say thank you for your heartfelt thoughts and opinion on the views of marriage. As you mentioned you have been on both sides of the fence and are now happily married. Sometimes, being married, staying married, getting married, living with someone, getting remarried, or simply being alone, etc… allows growth and the ability to move closer to God, understanding the message and virtues he insists we live by. I agree with many of the points you are making. However, I would like to know what others think about this… this is a biblical quote.. " Does your husband work? The Bible makes it clear that a man needs to work. “He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.” (Proverbs 10:4) . With this quote comes to mind, when making commitments financially, such as buying a house, buying a car or truck, buying tools, or anything else that requires two incomes how can marriage sustain a bankruptcy and debt when both are not on board and one person is not willing to contribute for many years? So with this being said does it matter who gets what or who is going to be left what when the end of life draws near. No one is ever perfect nor do they have a perfect marriage, nevertheless, both parties should be willing to contribute to their now and to their future, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. The lopsidedness of a situation like this brings upon discontent, distrust, bitterness, and one person feeling the stress and burden of carrying the responsibility to make ends meat. I suppose as a result I have raised my girls to choose their battles wisely, to love and respect their boyfriend or husband and the same should be reciprocated. Emotional and/or financial burden should never be put upon one’s persons shoulders. Explaining to them that both man and woman need to contribute emotionally and financially, communicate with one another, do not bury your head, do not judge others and their decision, however, rise above and realize that the beauty of God’s creation, man and woman is that not everyone thinks alike nor do they live by the same standards. I have encouraged them to be opinionated but to appreciate and respect the opinions of others. Stand on their own or stand side-by-side with a man who wants to love, respect, and contribute. I have not and will not ever make decisions for them, rather I encourage them to consider consequences and when they don’t know what to do I say for now do nothing at all. For you shall know in your heart when it is time to make the decision. When they make big decisions I encourage that all angles have been well thought out. While sinlessness is to be our goal, it is not achievable in this lifetime. However, the fact that we fail to live up to God's perfect standard does not change the fact that God loves each and every one of us unconditionally, married or unmarried. Love you! Tish Lehigh

Serena Tom said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Fashions said...

It's wonderful your infos. Thank you very much

Kathy Prickett said...

I have been married twice, and will never be married again. I am very independent and rely on no one. I feel bad for women who don't work and live with a man, only to lose him and depending on the circumstances, everything in their life. Even though this wasn't the way of the world years ago, it has become a normal thing...to live with another and not be married. Women need to first, before being married, be independent and learn to support themselves and not depend on someone to survive. If they did they would be able to pick up the pieces easier and on another note there would not be as many women caught in abusive relationships that won't leave because they don't have confidence in themselves that they can survive on their own. That's another subject but kind of related to women being independent and being able to survive on their own.

These are just my views and not meant to be thrust upon others.